If you’re having sexual problems with your partner, you’re not alone. Believe it or not, more than one-third of married couples only have sex one to three times per month, and more than 7% have sex less than three times per year.
Fortunately, there are ways to improve your sex, even if it’s already regular. Let’s talk about how to improve your sex life with your partner!
The Role of Sex in Relationships
It’s no secret that sex plays an important role in an intimate relationship. However, it’s important to understand exactly what role that is. While it’s different for every relationship, there are some key factors to understand about sex.
Sex Does Not Equal Love
First, it’s important that you both understand that your sex life does not have to say anything about your love life. Two people can remain happily together without a perfect sex life.
If you feel as though you hold incompatible views about the importance of sex, then this is something to discuss. This could be due to insecurities, a mismatched sex drive, or a genuine lack of understanding about relationships. If one partner values sex as more important to the overall health of your relationship, that is an important discussion to have.
Either way, you both need to avoid judgment and try to discuss where your relationship stands. It isn’t always obvious to everyone, so communication is essential.
Sex Is Still Important
Conversely, if one of you believes that sex isn’t important, you should address this as well. Sex is a very intimate part of a romantic relationship that most couples only share with each other. For this reason, it helps create a special and unique bond with the other person.
As a result, if sex isn’t an enjoyable experience for one or both of you, then you miss out on that level of intimacy. Down the road, this can lead to problems in the relationship, including insecurity, resentment, and anger. Couples that have sex regularly have lower divorce rates and more happiness overall in their relationships.
Essentially, don’t place too much stock into sex in a relationship, but understand that it does have a profound impact.
Identify What Needs Improving
Before you start improving your sex life, you need to know what’s wrong with it in the first place. Here’s how to start.
Talk to Your Partner
You can’t improve your sex life if you aren’t on the same page. Remember, it takes two to tango.
Unfortunately, you cannot assume what your partner is thinking or feeling, and they can’t do the same to you. That’s why honest communication is so important.
Luckily, it doesn’t have to be awkward. You can bring this up however and whenever you want.
You can even bring it up as a means to have sex. Tell them that you want to have sex but that you want to learn more about what they like. Ask them what kind of foreplay they like, what new things they want to try, what they want to avoid, or anything else.
Otherwise, sit down and have a sober, sexless conversation about your sex life. Say that you want some tips on new things they like and offer them some information about your preferences.
Make it clear beforehand that you won’t judge them and that you don’t want to be judged. From there, try to have an open and honest discussion about your wants and needs.
This can include anything from foreplay to fetish exploration or simply trying new positions. You may already do things you both thoroughly enjoy and you just want more of them. You won’t know until you ask!
Ask and Answer Questions Honestly
Of course, you don’t want to criticize each other, as this will only make matters worse. If you feel you are truly doing something wrong, then you may feel guilty during sex or find yourself constantly thinking about your issues. This will only lead to unnecessary insecurity and will not help the situation at all.
Instead, it’s important to ask each other questions and be honest with each other in a productive way. Start on a positive note and ask questions like:
- What do you enjoy most about our current sex life?
- What’s your favorite foreplay?
- Is there something you want to experiment with? (Games, roleplaying, toys, etc.)
The list goes on. Once you have set a positive tone, it will be easier to discuss things both of you may not enjoy too much. Again, this should not be used as an attack, judgment, or in any negative way. Unconditional love and acceptance should be the foundation of your discussion.
Both of you should try your best to explain what you don’t like as honestly as possible. From there, you can each make adjustments as needed.
Pay Attention During Sex
We’re not saying you should dissociate and forget about enjoying yourself, but pay attention to your partner and take time to introspect as well. What can their facial expressions, body language, sounds, and patterns tell you about what they like?
Also, feel free to ask questions, both before and during sex. Some helpful ones include:
- Do you enjoy this position?
- Are you comfortable?
- Would you prefer more foreplay?
- What would you like to do?
- Is there anything new you want to try?
These are generic examples, so apply them to whatever type of sex you’re having or whatever conversations you’ve recently had about sex.
Sure, this may feel uncomfortable at first. However, the more you ask, the more you learn. You can then apply these practices in the future.
Remember, your sex life will last (in some form) throughout your relationship. Don’t think of it through the lens that every time has to be perfect. Focusing on long-term improvements will pay off over time!
Also, practice makes perfect. This is a great (and enjoyable) way to start building confidence in bed with your partner.
How to Improve Your Sex Life
Now that you know where to start, let’s put it into practice. Here’s how to improve your sex life after you talk to your partner!
Try Something New
It never hurts to try new things. That is unless it physically hurts, but that’s not always necessary!
You can go as big or as small as you’re both comfortable with. However, the keyword is comfortable, so make sure you’re both on the same page before beginning.
For example, if you’re used to playing a certain “role” in the bedroom, switch it up. Hand over control to your partner if you are usually more dominant, or enjoy a night of power if you are typically submissive. This would be considered relatively low risk with a potentially high reward. You may both find something you love!
Want to start smaller? Try a new game, oral sex technique, a new sex position, a new sex toy, or simply go longer on the foreplay. There are plenty of small ways to experiment, including:
- Wearing new clothes
- Switching traditional roles or positions
- Playing out fantasies
- Dirty talk
- Fetish exploration
Are you a “go big or go home” type of couple? Tell each other your biggest fantasies and try to enact them. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, then who in the world would you be more comfortable living those fantasies with?
Again, just discuss this ahead of time with your partner, be honest and non-judgmental with your preferences, and don’t do something if either of you is uncomfortable.
Try Something Old
In nearly every sexual relationship, there’s something you’re bound to like. If you have a personal favorite, try to improve upon it.
Think about your favorite thing to do for them and your favorite to receive. Do whatever you enjoy most for them and let them know what you like. If there’s a way to improve it, tell them!
The reason for this is simply comfort. It’s comfortable and reassuring to do what’s familiar and enjoyable, and it can help ease both of you in before trying new things or revamping your sex life.
Practice Kegel Exercises
Both men and women can benefit from practicing kegel exercises, which are not only important for sex. Kegel exercises strengthen your pelvic floor, which is particularly important later in life. They’re also easy to do and you can practice them anywhere.
Studies show that even musicians and athletes improve greatly by simply practicing in their minds. Take the time to masturbate and fantasize about sex with your partner. This will give you more insights into what you like and what you want to do more of or try.
Also, think about the things that they like and how you intend to improve upon them. This mental practice can help get you excited, learn more about yourself, and increase your sex drive. As you age, it’s “use it or lose it.”
Have More Sex
Sometimes we don’t want to have sex, and that’s okay. Still, getting yourself in the mood and trying to have more sex with your partner can be a great first step.
However, you have to be careful to avoid burnout. Doing it when you don’t want to do it is a recipe for sexual burnout, which could have long-term negative impacts on your sex life and relationship.
Instead, aim to get yourself in the mood more often. Do things that arouse you and your partner and try to make positive and enjoyable sex more of a habit.
Also, when you start having sex to practice improving upon it, remember to relax. It’s important that both of you are calm, comfortable, and enjoying yourself. Tension will not help improve your sex life.
If it doesn’t feel like it’s working, don’t give up! What’s the harm in continuing to try if you are both consenting adults who want to improve their relationship?
Improving your sex life starts outside of the bedroom. You can dramatically improve your intimacy by increasing your affection for each other in your daily lives.
Start with more physical touch, explore each other’s love languages, and practice more intimate or quasi-sexual activities. The latter includes kissing, cuddling, stroking, and other intimate acts. Improving your bond will ultimately improve your sex life.
Make Physical Improvements
Nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. Still, we can all make small adjustments that can add up and improve our sex lives dramatically.
This could be as simple as focusing more on eating healthy and exercising, quitting smoking, drinking less, and more. Eating healthy can affect our physical appearance, mental health, and just about everything else. That includes your aroma, hormone balances, and shall we say taste.
We’re not saying you have to commit to major lifestyle changes just to improve your sex life. Still, making some small changes in your routine can go a long way toward improving your health and physical appearance.
Moreover, simply taking care of yourself will also help. Improving your personal hygiene, trying new grooming techniques, and more can go a long way toward improving your physical appearance.
Alternatively, you can choose to enhance certain features of yourself such as penis enlargement. Having a smaller penis (or even an average one) is a common concern for men that can lead to insecurity, especially in the bedroom. Boosting your confidence and increasing your performance could go a long way!
Don’t want penis enlargement surgery? No problem. Prometheus by Dr. Malik in Atlanta, GA, offers a non-surgical procedure so you don’t have to worry about a long recovery period or any major interruptions. Find out more about how to choose a doctor for your procedure and why Dr. Malik is Atlanta’s penis enlargement specialist.
Make a Move
Now that you know how to improve your sex life with your partner, put these tips to use right away and make sex enjoyable for both of you. A couple of 10-minute conversations and some small adjustments can go a long way. Also, don’t forget to practice!
Stay up to date with our latest tips for men’s sexual health, and don’t hesitate to contact us with any questions or to schedule a consultation!